Don't be your worst enemy - by Christy Smith

Published on 20 January 2022 at 10:06

I was just sitting here, absorbing how much I love myself and reflecting.  These words would not have left my mouth a year ago. I was in a terrible place emotionally.  I'm 40 today. I do feel it, but not because I feel old.  Today, I feel the wisdom and success I have had throughout my life. I feel all the beauty I have. I mean deeper than physically, internally. My passion for others and the energy I have to keep pushing through even the toughest times... but also physically. It just seems physical doesn't matter to me as much anymore. I have lost and gained weight, and in the past, I was not satisfied with myself. I realized it did not matter what size I was. I was still me, and all I had to do was accept myself for who I am and stop trying to be someone else. I have accomplished that fully now. That feeling gives me a strong sense of completion... I have realized that you can not be truly happy until you stop attempting to be what you can not be or live a life you can not have in order to meet the expectations of others. I live with a child who has many needs that require my attention.  I wasted far too much time trying to live what I imagined life would be like, rather than learning to love my life and the body I have given myself through my choices. I wish I could have told myself this at a younger age. I don't think I fully OWNED these words and absorbed how much I love that about me. It wasn't until the recent months of working with some amazing women through the county helping Mr. I become successful in school and home, that I opened my mind...To hear myself saying how I feel about living out loud.  

I am curious if other women get to this point, or if I am just one of the few. I say other women because I know women place a greater burden on themselves than men. It is in our nature to be our harshest critics, comparing and beating ourselves up for qualities we can not possess. Even the mom guilt. Accepting that my life is crazy, loud, and beautiful even at its worst, and still loving it, is pretty awesome. 10 years ago, I never imagined being in this place. Happy Birthday to me and going to rock this 40 thing.