Emotionally unavailable for those that don't deserve me

Published on 15 April 2023 at 17:04

A very special person in my life changed my perspective on mental health.  I got a bandana that read, "She believed she could, but she needed a break, so she said no."  After rediscovering the parts of myself that I had lost while living in survival mode, I realized that I had evolved into a person who felt compelled to take care of everything.  When I first started parenting in a constant state, I quickly became accustomed to a pattern of taking care of everything and everyone, which I thought was easier. I did not know how to ask for help, so I unintentionally became the fixer and go-to. I felt as if I was carrying the weight of the world for everyone.  I was everyone's go-to friend, but I could not bring myself to ask for help. Nobody understood my life, so telling them I was drowning was a waste of breath.  I had no idea how to prioritize what was important to me, and I felt strung out everywhere, trying to live my life as if I were a superhero but failing to save myself. 

I am a giver. I have always been everyone's person, the person everyone knew they could depend on... until I wasn't. I tried. I took care of everyone else but myself.  I sacrificed my own mental health, well-being, and happiness for the approval and happiness of others.  I was left drowning.

A significant shift in my recovery was becoming more aware of the importance of giving myself permission to be emotionally unavailable to those who do not deserve it. I was especially aware of people who drained me for all I am worth and never returned the favor.  This marked a turning point in my life.  People can become so preoccupied with their own lives that they lose sight of how much they expect from others.  It is okay to say, "No, this is too much for me today." I carry a lot of responsibility for my family and all of the aspects of caring for a child who requires additional assistance. Sometimes, just that alone is enough. So, the next time someone asks for assistance, prioritize yourself first.  Your well-being is important, too. No guilt, no shame.  

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